I Promise to Try

I just said goodbye to a person I was hoping to keep as a friend. I couldn’t keep them as my friend because their issue with alcohol was becoming too much of a reminder of dealing with my own alcoholic father. I haven’t spoken to that man in many years, but he was the reason why at 6 years old I was in the school guidance office every day for a half hour learning what alcoholism was. He was the reason for my resentment and anger I had as a teenager. He was the reason at 15 years of age I began cutting myself. I cannot live with a reminder.

It pains me because over the months of chatting with this person, they became the one who I wanted to text first or the first person I wanted to share something funny. We had a dysfunctional friendship built on a dysfunctional foundation, but now the parallels are too much for me and I am feeling the 6 year old inside me screaming her warnings.

From my personal experience, I do not believe in recovery. Not a single person through my lifetime with alcohol addiction ever recovered and went to live successful lives.

It is going to be hard letting this friendship go, but I am going to promise to try today.