To sleep perchance to dream

on

I had a dream last night I was hanging with the Guy. His place didn’t look how it does in real world, but I knew it was his. He had plush red carpets and while we were sitting on the couch, something pissed all over the house. He told me it was rats and I made him shampoo the carpet while I tried to find an area to put my things that, luckily, didn’t get nailed.

That was the dream. Or what I remember.

I think the symbolism is significant. We can have a nice time hanging out, but it will always feel dirty. Dirty because of how I have felt being friends with him, fighting so hard with him to fail miserably at making him see how I feel, and failing to leave when I know I should. I assume most people would leave if there were rat piss all over the house. Symbolic or not.

I decided last night that one nice time is not enough to make up for how I have felt in the whole scheme of things. So when he texted me at 8 last night asking about my day, I didn’t respond. And when he texted a half hour later if I had gone to sleep, I didn’t respond.

From what I have learned before, if I block him I will unblock him and text him. If I tell him I don’t want to be friends, I’ll change my mind. So maybe if I just take it a text at a time of not responding, I can fade away for good.

Photo by Andrew Bui on Unsplash

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