I don’t know if what I am about to write about is normal. Or if anyone who thinks it isn’t normal because of their conditioning and what I am about to tell you makes them and maybe even you uncomfortable.
I don’t feel like I will ever want a serious relationship. The people I have told have different reactions. Some claim it’s a phase and not to put pressure on myself one way or the other which I understand. Kudos to sound advice. Then I get others who are like, humans exist to establish deep connections with each other and not having romantic love connection is depriving yourself of a need, it’s totally unbalanced. Then I have heard, are you feeling this way because you are not feeling deserving of love? And lastly, my mother who says, “Well Janie lives alone and likes it and so does Penny.” Mind you, both women have a couple marriages under their belts. The fact I get annoyed by my mother’s remarks is another story. And more than likely gives the “undeserved” thinkers more ammunition.
Maybe I am just going through a selfish phase. I like only having to worry about me and my animals. Two dogs. I don’t want to be concerned with when another person wants to eat or what their mood will be when I walk into the room or having to “work” at our relationship. Sounds tiring, boring, no thank you.
I literally just described my last serious relationship and realized it after I reread what I wrote. I think that’s the kind of relationship where the two people never should have entered into a ‘ship together.
And to be completely honest, I am super high maintenance. Not in the, I want a Benz for my birthday or our 1-month anniversary way, but in the I like to be pampered way. I’m like a kitten (even though I have only ever owned dogs). Puppies are cute and wine for attention, but kittens will tear you up with their little kitten claws if you’re not paying them much mind. I’ll shank a bitch. Not really, but maybe.
All I know is it would be perfect if the guy I have been messing with would get in his head I don’t have feelings for him and the guys who currently have summer hayfever and are returning from my past would bounce out. That’s all I want. I want my relationship with myself and best friend with benefits to drop some bennies when I want them. If I in the future find Mr. romantic love connection, I’ll see what happens. No pressure.